Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Porn is love you can see.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
