is wine microwaveable?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize