Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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