What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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