And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
