Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
