She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
