After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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