someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
