You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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