Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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