i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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