For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
