When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
