so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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