dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
