Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
