i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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