Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
