fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
