the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
