I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
