I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
