Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
