this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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