pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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