in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
