My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
