My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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