Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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