I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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