The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
