Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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