Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
