I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
