The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
