Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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