Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
