If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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