gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
