You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Success! We fucked roommates!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
