If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
