Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
