I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
