how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
