just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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