im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
