i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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