You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
