I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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