People with herpes should wear stickers.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
