i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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