Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
