Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
