How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
