Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
