You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
