this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
