He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
