Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
