sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
be right there i have to get my cape
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
