I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize