I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize