hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Randomize
