u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
