I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
