So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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