I wish life had little blips of pornography
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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