after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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