hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
