1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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