ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize